Style Switcher

Predefined Colors

One’s Retired. One’s Not. How to Survive the Retirement Transition.

Rhythm plays a big part in successful marriages when both Partners work or even when one works they have lives outside of their relationship together and these Separate Lives become part of their identity even if one of the spouses is a stay-at-home partner they usually by now have had routines that work really well both in the home and outside of the home and when One retires the Rhythm is a bit disrupted to say to the least it could be a tornado the peaceful Harmony is gone and replaced by some chaos and stress you know it's funny we just started watching a new show on TV called shrinking husband and wife are in the kitchen life's been a stay-at-home she's got a routine she she does rocks what does she do polishes she's all this stuff the husbands I don't know I forget what he is a lawyer or something like that but he's just about to retire and he's in the kitchen and the wife looks at him and says hey look it or more like this hey look it Derek Derek before you retire you need to find something to keep you out of the house each day I've been running this house for 30 years and I don't want my life disrupted and it's funny because his response was no I've been out of the house for 30 years and now I think you need to find something outside the house it's my time to be home that was actually pretty fun it was pretty funny but you can see without some tools this could be a rocky start to the retirement phase right so there's a way to smooth this transition and let's get into some ways that people can do this so that you don't find yourself really in a tough spot and the first way without a doubt is like those two just did communicate expectations well I don't think they did that very well well they started a conversation they started a conversation there's got to be verbal conversation about this you can't hope things are going to work out you've got to say what your expectations are because there's going to be a lot of difference of opinion on what they want to do yeah a lot of change is coming right and you know 50 percent of couples differ on what they want to do in retirement and that can impact them in a lot of ways and even financially so way before you retire five years before you need to start talking about this as a couple right right and even even ask yourself ask your partner as ask yourself first maybe and ask your partner some questions you know what do you dream about in retirement you know where do you want to live yeah how about downsizing do we want to downsize which is a big one yep and if you have kids where do they fit in right and grandkids these are all important issues that you need to talk about as a couple really in the initial phase or pre-retirement would be a great time to talk about it right and I know during our career we had a tough time fitting in date night with the responsibility of the kids and all of that I think date night and retirement's almost just as important if not more important to have a little bit of time to check in well because a lot of people feel you're spending 24 hours a day seven days a week together now there's no real reason to create that special time to check in but we're saying there is and what's our special time we have coffee every morning markets up super early I do not I get up at six and we have about 30 or 45 minutes every morning before we start well you've already started your routine but before I really started every morning we do that and we talk about you know how are we feeling we check in with each other what are our dreams for today this week this month we plan our day it's just it really gives us a chance to always check in which is really helpful for us and maybe that's something you want to try so communicate and communicate often and stay in touch is one big piece another big piece is finances you know finances are an area of disruption in marriages and certainly an area of disruption in retirement who is going to deal with the money matters who's going to pay the bills and do you agree on Money Matters yeah well it's true there was a study we found by Fidelity Investments from 2021 that said 25 percent are couples 25 percent of couples are irritated by their spouse's pen spending habits and relationship with money and that's before retirement right so that irritation enhances even more once you retire because many of you are retiring and you've already built your nest egg and many of you are working with a financial planner which is great so you have knowledge of your finances but when you retire it takes getting used to not having that steady paycheck right and when it stops there are some areas you need to focus on and adjust yeah I mean there's things like taxes your monthly expenses you know do you still need you know all the fancy cable travel plans do we really want to do that big trip or not but you need to save for it right you know downsizing dreaming of a second home you know one of the big ones that our financial planner has really pushed on us is this idea of withdraw stress strategies right making sure that you know before you could just hit the ATM and you know you had income coming in you could withdraw whenever you wanted now it's a little different well also the 401K right Social Security optimizing that when's the right time to do that and having a rainy day fund for unexpected medical expenses right right so okay so the third broad category is establishing boundaries right so this is again this is your bread and butter no it isn't this is again under the big topic of topic of keeping Harmony As you move into retirement right you have to find a way to ex to respect each other's time especially if one's still working and the other isn't you know your space you know one house with two separate schedules potentially if you're retiring at different times you know how you're going to spend your down time you know your TV time your reading time your cooking time yeah because even your cleaning time if one of you is working and you're working from home and one of you is like bound and determined to vacuum the whole house every morning at nine it's just not gonna work you know so you have to adopt each other's schedule you know for me it's important to find a place and a time for a long time time for separate friends outside of the house and all of these need boundaries and agreement so you don't find yourself banging up against each other doing each other's activities it creates stress and you don't need that you know we have friends who are actually clients of ours and she was a teacher and he's run his business a sports marketing firm out of their home for years she was a teacher so she was gone from seven to five every day let's say and now she's home and she's doing everything she's she loves to do she's hosting Mahjong and swim parties and lunch with friends she's taken a cooking class well all of that is happening in their house which is giving her really good fulfillment because she's amazing amazing he's like what's going on but he's trying to run a business in the same space so that's an example of where boundaries and communication really needs to come in you really want to respect each other's activities and priorities and space so you don't again step on each other's toes yeah so that the fourth big category of advice that we have in this in this in this arena is what what is your division of labor now that one of you is retired how do you split the chores who's going to cook who's going to shop who's going to pay the bills this is a whole new conversation I think at this point you can't make Grand assumptions that now that you're retired you're going to do all of that yeah and that's true and the other and I think what you want to make sure you do is do what you pick the things that you're good at and you like to do I love to cook I don't really like to shop well hangout I'm good at shopping I don't love it no but but I'm good at it yeah I'm good at cooking and you love it I do love it you don't love shopping who loves grocery shopping I'll take the shopping over too oh cooking and shopping cooking and shopping wow that's a win for me today here's the other thing and I don't I don't know what it's like in your house but I'm the I'm the guy that fixes stuff yeah so what I don't want to get from Jody every morning is a list of things that have to get fixed home repairs house maintenance car repairs you know there there are things that have to get done your car needs to go in and that's my responsibility I need I need to do it but I don't want a list right to put under my nose every day but this idea of talking about who's going to do what and it's not just about chores and cooking and bills but even who's responsible for scheduling activities who's a social butterfly that's right or me right so I end up doing you know golf dates pickleball dates dinner arrangements travel arrangements and that's fine I do actually like doing those things so that helps us stay in our Rhythm you know in the beginning we talked about how couples find a natural Rhythm that will take them through many years of their marriage and maybe the one that you had worked and worked well but the newly retired person shouldn't get a free ride on being engaged in the Rhythm yeah you know we've we have clients that get in trouble with this because you've got that example on the TV show shrinking uh where you've got someone who's in charge of the house and has her routine and everything's going really well and then the retired spouse comes in and says all right so what are we going to do all day right and they're like well no you do your thing I'll do my thing I'll meet you later for dinner so you have to be really careful you do but the other big thing is this whole idea of one person retiring before the other it's going to create a lot of change in your life and you need to understand that the change is going to come it's going to create friction and stress so if that's happening the right thing is happening you just need to walk your way through it and talk about it the person who's retiring you know the person who retired earlier stayed home has interest hobbies and groups and friends the new person retiring needs to create new interests new hobbies new groups and new friends we think so right because that's the way you build community and you stay active what you want to make sure that you're doing is if one is working and one is retired and the retiring spouse is crushing it in all those areas you want to make sure you're looping in the working spouse so people you know don't feel left out you all of a sudden have new friends and new interests and new hobbies which is awesome but remember to Loop in the working spouse too and I think the other thing is you've got to keep your relationship alive and healthy it's really important when one of these changes takes place that you're dedicating enough time to each other to show you care about them you're concerned about them and you love them back to your point on date night don't I do that well you do you always feel loved I do oh good good so look retirement is something we all look forward to and we deserve to find ways to make it the best years of our life and we really want to be able to live in harmony with our partner and if you've just retired or it's coming up soon make sure to follow some of our advice here and importantly make sure you're starting to talk about this phase of life with your partner or spouse to share your dreams and aspirations now if you enjoyed this video check out this next one the truth about early retirement what they don't tell you this is a great video we talk about the endless opportunities that exist and you aren't getting any younger now might be the right time to retire so check out this video next

As found on YouTube

Hilltop Community

Posted in Retire Wealthy, Retirement PlanningTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Post a Comment