Tag: comedians
Key & Peele – Retired Military Specialist
user 0 Comments Retire Wealthy Retirement Planning
[joints squeaking] – I WAS WONDERING WHEN
I WOULD BE AVAILABLE IN HERE TO DISCOVER YOU RESTING IN THAT CHAIR. – IT WASN'' T EASY TRACKING YOU DOWN, DECKER. – WASN'' T DESIGNED TO BE. – I UNDERSTAND YOU'' VE RETIRED, BUT– – THAT'' S ALL BEHIND ME NOW, GENERAL. I'' M NOT THE MALE YOU RECOGNIZED DURING THE CHILLY BATTLE. – I COMPREHEND. WE'' RE NOW DEALING WITH A THREAT UNLIKE ANY WE'' VE EVER DEALT WITH PRIOR TO. A MALE WITH YOUR COMPETENCE–.
– I MADE A VOW. NEVER TO KILL.
ANOTHER PERSON HUMAN BEING.SORRY, GENERAL, GON NA.
NEED TO FIND A PERSON ELSE. – OH … NO, WE WEREN'' T. REASONING YOU ' D DO IT. WE WERE– [removes throat] JUST WISHING YOU COULD RECOMMEND A PERSON.
FOR THE WORK. – I PRESUME I COULD.
APPEAR OF RETIRED LIFE. – NO. NO REQUIREMENT. SIMPLY A REFERRAL WILL DO. – ALL RIGHT. I'' LL DO THIS.- YOU'UNDERSTAND, YOU
' RE SIMPLY. NOT WHAT WE ' RE LOOKING FOR. -YOU SCHEMING BOY OF A BITCH.
YOU ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD. HOW TO PUSH MY BUTTONS. I'' M IN. – NOT YOU, DECKER.
– I ' M SHARP AS I EVER WAS. -EVEN FASTER TOO.
GRAB MY HAND. NO WAY. WAIT TILL. I COUNT TO THREE. -REALLY?- ONE. TWO.
OKAY. WASN ' T ALL SET FOR THAT. ALRIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
– DIDN'' T HAVE MY ADRENALINE UP.
'' CAUSE THIS IS NOT AN ACTUAL.
HIGH-STAKES SITUATION. ALL RIGHT. DRAW YOUR WEAPON. AND … DISARMED.
[weapon hammer clicks] YOU'' RE GETTING RATHER FAST.
AND DISARMED– O.K.. I WEAR'' T DEMAND. YOU RECOGNIZE WHAT?
GOING TO FIRE YOU. – WING ME IN THE SHOULDER.
– THIS IS RIDICULOUS! – TRY, GENERAL. SEE WHAT TAKES PLACE. – [sighs] – DEFLECTED– OOOWW! – OKAY.I MADE.
An ERROR COMING RIGHT HERE. – WING ME IN THE OTHER SHOULDER.
– I'' D RATHER NOT. – I URGE. DEFLECTED– AAAHH! THAT WAS BECAUSE MY OTHER ARM.
WAS ALREADY INJURED. – O.K.. I'' M LEAVING.
ALL OR NOTHING. DIGESTIVE TRACT SHOT.
– GUT SHOT! COME ON! IF YOU CAN FIRE ME IN THE DIGESTIVE TRACT,.
I'' LL CONCEDE. – DECKER, YOU HAVE.
TWO INJURED ARMS. – GUT SHOT! GO! – OBTAINED IT.
[moans] – YOU– YOU CAPTURED THE BULLET? – OH, YEAH.
– SO YOU'' RE TELLING
ME. THAT THE BULLET IS IN BETWEEN.
YOUR HANDS TODAY. – THAT'' S WHAT. I ' M TELLING YOU. -[ sighs] [birds tweeting] – IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? COME ON. HEAD SHOT. HEAD SHOT. I'' M READY. ONE SEC.
[gunshot]
– OH … NO, WE WEREN'' T. REASONING YOU ' D DO IT. NOT WHAT WE ' RE LOOKING FOR.- I ' M SHARP AS I EVER WAS. WASN ' T ALL SET FOR THAT. I ' M TELLING YOU.
Read More
Key & Peele – Retired Military Specialist
user 0 Comments Retire Wealthy Retirement Planning
[joints creaking] – I WAS WONDERING WHEN
I WOULD CAN BE FOUND IN BELOW TO FIND YOU RESTING IN THAT CHAIR. – IT WASN'' T EASY TRACKING YOU DOWN, DECKER. – WASN'' T MEANT TO BE. – I UNDERSTAND YOU'' VE RETIRED, — – THAT'' S ALL BEHIND ME CURRENTLY, GENERAL. I'' M NOT THE GUY YOU RECOGNIZED DURING THE CHILLY BATTLE. – I UNDERSTAND. WE'' RE NOW DEALING WITH A RISK UNLIKE ANY WE'' VE EVER DEALT WITH BEFORE. A GUY WITH YOUR KNOW-HOW–.
– I MADE A VOW. NEVER TO KILL.
ANOTHER HUMAN BEING BEING. SORRY, GENERAL, GON NA.
NEED TO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE. – OH … NO, WE WEREN'' T. THINKING YOU ' D DO IT. WE WERE– [clears throat] SIMPLY HOPING YOU COULD RECOMMEND SOMEONE.
FOR THE JOB. – I GUESS I COULD.
COME OUT OF RETIREMENT. I'' LL DO IT. NOT WHAT WE ' RE LOOKING FOR.
YOU CONSTANTLY RECOGNIZED. I'' M IN.
– I ' M SHARP AS I EVER BEFORE WAS. – [sighs] -EVEN FASTER TOO.
GRAB MY HAND. NO WAY. WAIT TILL. I COUNT TO THREE FIRST. -REALLY?- ONE. TWO.
3. OK. I DESIRED YOU TO SHOT. AS WELL AS PUT ME IN THE FACE. UNH! WASN ' T PREPARED FOR THAT. SHOT AGAIN. UNH! FINE, YOU KNOW WHAT? – CURRENTLY WHAT?
– DIDN'' T HAVE MY ADRENALINE UP. '' REASON THIS IS NOT AN ACTUAL.
HIGH-STAKES SCENARIO. ALL. ATTRACT YOUR TOOL. AND … DISARMED.
[gun hammer clicks] YOU'' RE GETTING QUITE FAST.
AS WELL AS DISARMED– O.K.. I WEAR'' T NEED. TO TAKE YOUR WEAPON. YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT? FIRE ME. – I AM NOT.
GOING TO FIRE YOU. – WING ME IN THE SHOULDER.
– THIS IS RIDICULOUS! – TRY, GENERAL. SEE WHAT OCCURS.
– [sighs] – DISPERSED– OOOWW! – O.K.. I MADE.
A MISTAKE COMING RIGHT HERE. – WING ME IN THE OTHER SHOULDER.
– I'' D RATHER NOT. – I URGE. DEFLECTED– AAAHH! THAT WAS BECAUSE MY OTHER ARM.
WAS ALREADY INJURED. – OK. I'' M LEAVING.
– [groaning] ALL RIGHT. ALL OR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. GUT SHOT. – NO!
– DIGESTIVE TRACT SHOT! COME ON! IF YOU TIN FIRE ME IN THE DIGESTIVE TRACT,.
I'' LL CONCEDE. – DECKER, YOU HAVE.
TWO INJURED ARMS. – INTESTINE SHOT!
– YOU– YOU CAUGHT THE BULLET? – OH, YEAH.
– SO YOU'' RE TELLING
ME. THAT THE BULLET IS IN BETWEEN.
– THAT'' S WHAT. I ' M INFORMING YOU. I'' M READY.
[gunshot]
– OH … NO, WE WEREN'' T. REASONING YOU ' D DO IT. NOT WHAT WE ' RE LOOKING FOR.- I ' M SHARP AS I EVER BEFORE WAS. WASN ' T READY FOR THAT. I ' M TELLING YOU.
Read More