as you age stiffness settles into your joints and this can make it more difficult to move around and maintain an active lifestyle this video is directed at me maybe you but it's definitely directed at me because Jody is as flexible as they get but it's true as your body slows down and it ages and it gets stiff everyday activities start to feel more strenuous than they used to and that is not a good place to be a sedentary lifestyle only makes this situation worse we all see this too often in our clients and we want to help you avoid this as much as possible now we're working on my stiffness we are by playing we're working on your flexibility flexibility yeah the stiffness is there I'm good at that that part's there we're working on my flexibility but there's a lot of things we're doing we started playing pickleball down here at the YMCA on Tuesdays and Thursdays and we playing around Robin and that we stretch before we play We stretch after that's new for me right but it really it's an interesting so sport because there's probably 60 people there probably and most of them are older I would say all of them are 50 and older some are 66 like me and we don't see many people stretching before or after and we also see many injuries you know the woman who runs the program whose name also Jody with an eye with an eye she can't stop talking about this enough but people just don't seem to listen well last week we were playing some guy fell down and he tore his Achilles tendon and you also can get um tendonitis by not stretching you know we're we're learning more and more about stretching or I am because again you're really good at this with yoga um but it is really critical to stretch as much as you can so that you can overcome the stiffness and stay limber well into your 60s 70s and 80s you know flexibility benefits you in more ways than one it improves your movement overall and it helps prevent simple strains and injuries including muscles and disc streams shoulder strains and certainly that ever present backache that many people feel you know a friend of ours mom just fell and broke her hip and you know there's a whole concept about we're not talking about muscle today but having good muscle around your bones and also stretching your muscle is going to improve your past texture it's going to help or prevent you know Falls and injuries and it's also going to enhance your joint range of motion which is important you know we live active lives with as we've told you pickleball golf cycling you work out using weights I do yoga Power Yoga with weights sculpting classes but everything you do is more stretching but that's new for me and um you know all through my career I didn't do a lot of stretching I did a lot of like hit power like weight training actually rushed to the gym right and get to a routine it was all about doing the circuit as quick as you could to get to work but yoga and besides yoga you know you just want to make sure that you are becoming more flexible because it has benefits to your outside muscles it also has benefits to your internal organs as you twist and stretch my One Yoga calls it in my one yoga teacher calls it internal housekeeping whenever you sit and do like a real deep stretch it really helps your organs on the inside I think we should have called this video yoga for a more flexible life how's that it wasn't going to be about that but I'm happy to Pivot and talk only about yoga if you want well it is it is good that you do it five days a week and I think what I'm gonna do I'm gonna commit to when we get back to Connecticut I'm going to come to yoga one day a week wow that would be great but it's got to be an easy one not one of these crazy hard ones you know I was a college athlete and I loved going to the gym and I loved competition for the greater part of my life you know um for years as I was working and raising children you know I just fit the gym in like whenever I could you know and I lost focus on really what I was trying to accomplish while I was there well we were trying to accomplish checking off the box right and it has to be more than that because we lost Focus we didn't really worry much about flexibility until after we retired and I think that that's really the main point of this episode today is really the importance of stretching right yeah because you know it's funny when you're just fitting the gym into your lifestyle you really don't stretch before and you really don't stretch after because you have a amount of time so you jump into your class or your weights or your cardio and then you leave but now that we're retired we have learned the benefits of stretching and flexibility I preach it all the time in our house and I'm hopeful that Mark will start too I'm going to start yeah I am I can almost touch my toes now I'm working on that so let's talk about the three main types of stretching because you know just saying we should stretch isn't enough you really need to know what you're doing and you need to be careful but there's three types of stretching you can do with little or no equipment or investment of of any kind right and really if you think about it the first one is something you did way back in grade school right it's called static stretching this is where you hold a position for 30 seconds and then relax you repeat it again three to five times before moving to another stretch and the big key here is not to bounce right so not to lean over to touch your toes and then bounce bounce bounce lean over and hold for 30.
This is like touching your toes yep now I can just about touch my toes but you should get up and show them you can put your hands flat on the floor I can in front of your feet I can which is that's about this much further bent over than me which is a new kind of accomplishments which shows you that that the more static stretching you do the further you're going to go I'm feeling really inadequate right now I do you just need to work on it I'm going to I have to the second type is called isometric stretching right so this is similar to static stretching you hold the position and gently stretch your muscle during the stretch and then you hold the pose for 15 to 20 more seconds Contracting and relaxing your muscle during that time I I don't get it can you please show us what you're talking about because I don't know what it is but this give me anything this stretching will improve your strength and flexibility because you're flexing and releasing your muscle it's just like jumping jacks okay well what is there a what's the third so the Third Kind this is where you're going the third type is dynamic stretching oh that's Jumping Jacks and burpees right well kinda but not really so this involves actively moving your muscles and joints in a set Motion in repetition for usually 10 or 12 times so it's more like you know like head rolls like you want to really roll your head around and you roll your head at me all the time the other thing it could be is like walking lunges or leg swings or even hip circles the idea is to stretch a little further each time using fluid movements feeling very inadequate I definitely need help will you help me well if it's you all and you in particular are open to help there is so much research about stretching and I have to tell you I'm gonna hold you accountable for this because you just declared you'd go to yoga that which is like huge I can't wait to call Courtney and tell her you'll be there okay and um thing is the make you can actually see actually feel and you get looking forward to kind of pushing a little bit harder without bouncing in each one of them you know it's funny I do stretch using my freeletics app it is a warm-up and then I work out with burpees and push-ups things like that and there's a stretch at the end but I'm actually just thinking it's just again checking the Box well I should do this move and I should do that move but I'm not really doing it with the intent of becoming more flexible right and I think that's a mind shift that I have to have because your yoga five days a week I mean you're just incredibly limber and stretchy and I'll tell you it helps me with my physical wellness vision of not only being physical physically independent right but being able to get down and up on the floor with great grandchildren grandchildren you know and even continuing to play sports I think it's really important all right I'm gonna do this jumping jumping stretching you are yeah okay I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it three days a week 15 minutes of stretching I'll take pictures I'm going to start I'm going to start with rolling my eyes and then my head you know like anything to get the benefits you really have to do it you know consistently and you know over time and but you will see the results when I started yoga I could barely touch my toes now I can lay my hands flat on the floor and actually the other day when we were playing golf and I was on the golf cart and we were parked I actually went down to stretch and I went below my feet you know down to a rock so but it's it's encouraging I think well listen it's something that is really important and and we know it's important I I'm not doing it and I need to do it you do which and I'm making a commitment to you to do more stretching good right now if you thought this video was great we hope you did this next one finding your path to physical wellness besides looking at creating healthy physical habits and routines we're going to take you on a journey to create a vision for your physical wellness so watch this next video nextRead More
the first year of retirement isn't always the dreamy Escape many people imagine no it's not maybe one of the most significant transitions in your life it was for us and it probably is going to be for you and that's because it's filled with all the unexpected challenges roadblocks and adjustments you have to make in this new pH and I think it's really important to understand that if you fail to navigate this first year you might find yourself questioning your entire decision to retire and today we're going to give you some strategies to feel empowered to overcome any of the struggles you might find do we ever feel like we made a mistake and we should still be working I do sometimes do you I do back in your corporate life I oh my good I do I know but listen and I'm sure some people do maybe but if you're new here I'm Mark Rollins and this is my wife Jody Rollins we don't focus on the financial aspects of retirement but rather life lifestyle Health relationships and more and we're so happy you're here today and it really would be helpful to us if you could share this video with anyone else that you know or care about that's in their retirement Journey too and you know join our free Facebook community at retirement transformed we go live each week and offer guidance support strategies to make this chapter the best it can be so before we jump in I want to remind you that this first year of retirement really sets the foundation for all the future years to come so you want to be able to equip yourself with the knowledge that you need you want to stay proactive and embrace this new Journey with a lot of confidence you know we know dozens of people who are floundering in this first year of retirement and it's really not pretty to watch I was at a bridal shower this past weekend and a woman across the table from me said um you know I heard her talking to someone else and she said I'm terrified and I thought oo this will be an interesting conversation we're at a bridal shower I'm not sure what there is to be terrified about but she's a teacher and this is her last year so in June she's done done after 35 years of teaching the third grade and she said I'm I'm literally terrified I don't know where to start that is scary and it it's scary for everyone I'm not saying it's scarier for a teacher or doctor whatever but if this is all you've known and you know teachers have a special kind of thing they they work from the middle of August through the end of June and then I have the summer off right and you do that for 30 40 years right and it's a routine that you're comfortable with and you get enjoy it you get fulfillment right what do you how do you feel that so the first year is really really important to get that right my dad screwed it up big time I mean he without a doubt he's a good example of someone who made a lot of mistakes in his first year and I you know I I tell people that retirement actually killed my dad because he just didn't know how to get through this first year and set himself off in a spiral which yeah he was he was unprepared and a lot of people do enter this phase of their life maybe prepared financially but unprepared emotionally and with all of the kind of red flags that start to come their way you know your dad really just couldn't reinvent himself he lived in the used to world yeah it was it was bad but you know we do know plenty of people who think this phase is easy and for some people they actually make the transition smoothly but for others like my dad you know like I said it can actually kill you if you don't really get it right so we should cut the mystery and jump into what people really struggle with yeah and I think the first thing we see in people that we know and clients that we have and talks that we have given as well as the research that we do is this major loss of identity that hits you probably a week or two after you retire ire yeah and for a long time whether you're a teacher or a doctor or a lawyer or an insurance agent or a corporate executive we derived a lot of our selfworth from our job roles right I mean that's just the way it was and it you know when you first got out of college and started your job it was one thing but by the time you ended up you were at a much higher very senior level in your company and that was your identity and when that identity no longer exists you really find yourself in a strange danger zone right you know without an identity in retirement you can have feelings of worthlessness and and really have a hard time finding your purpose and passion so it's really a reinvention of source so in your first year this is going to happen you're going to lose your identity and you really need to start thinking about creating a new one you don't want to go too long like my dad did and spend the next 10 years holding on to or feeling sad about losing your identity you want to make a new one it's really really important now the other thing that people struggle with in the first year of retirement is financial concerns and that's normal right because you're moving from a time in your life when you have a steady paycheck or an expense account or whatever it might be health insurance all of that is just coming at you automatically yeah and then it stops it does stop and then you have your nest egg and Market volatility can add to your stress you know if you've planned properly up to that moment but then have to make different financial decisions moving forward maybe riskier or less risky Investments depending on you know how you're advised you find yourself in a little bit of a budgeting process that becomes really crucial to how you're going to live this first year well it's a good point and we spend 30 40 Years of our life accumulating assets right just adding to it adding to it adding to it 401 okay whatever it might be but then that stops and now you go into this new phase called uh decumulation where you're actually taking your savings and your assets and living on that and that is mentally is a really hard financial concern so in the first year you've really got to make sure that you figure that out and get comfortable with it and have a good plan a good financial plan or you know really nail your financials yeah really and then you know we hear a lot from people you know that they're bored they're bored in retirement you know they don't really have a routine that they can stick to and they really struggle that first year getting away from you know the the structure and accountability that they had with their work days just this morning I was down watching the sun come up and I ran into my friend who retired a year ago and he keeps himself busy but you know I was checking with him and say how's it going cuz it's it's okay it's okay how's your you know how's your new uh career that you're doing he's a he's a writer now and he's writing he said well it's interesting you know I watch you guys on YouTube and you talk a lot about um having routines and I find that it's easier not having a routine which it is but then he doesn't do what he wants to do which frankly is harder if you don't have some routines built in and some plans for your day in the first year of retirement you're going to get used to not having routines you're going to get used to not getting things done and you're not going to like it you just are not going to like it so I think that it's easier to have routines maybe harder to get moving in that direction but once you have them your life becomes so much easier I don't know how you think about no I I agree with you I do know we get a lot of push back on people who want to just abandon routine because they've lived 35 or 40 years in a strict routine and I really advise people I think it's okay to let it go for a little while but not too long so that you know as they say the proverbial horse is out of the barn and now you can't get it back you wake up every day what am I going to do today that is not a good position to be in for a whole year for sure now the other thing that you can struggle with and you might struggle with right out of the box when you leave your career is social isolation I know for me I had you know 80 people working in my company I was the CEO and I had great relationship with these people and it was kind of like Fridays were what are you going to do this weekend what's going to happen Mondays were how was your weekend what did you do how are the kids how are the grandkids all of this stops right and then it's just you and me I really I really it's important to remember that um you know those relationships that you had at work even extending out to you know I knew a lot of you know my co-worker spouses and their children and I watch them grow and go through college you know you have that longevity of your story your relationship story with these folks and some of them you will bring with you but a lot of them get kind of left behind in the situational kind of friendship bucket um so the big message here is you need to is to replace it you've got to find Community whether it's joining a health club or you know we do pickle ball we talk about that a lot going back to church or religious institution Social Clubs community centers Gym classes gym classes reaching out to your friends make a list of all your friends and start contacting them because you don't want to struggle with social isolation in your first year it's really going to bring you down you know and the fourth thing that we really wanted to talk about was your health and physical activity because I know we did this when we retired you know we were like you know we're just going to go ahead and relax and eat and drink and just sleep late and you know we got a little sluggish there for a while and it wasn't healthy for us and we did course correct and um you know not saying seven days a week you know 30 days out of the month we're always on track we do stay on the health and wellness you know Mission because as you age health challenges come your way it just happens well the other big thing that you could find yourself struggling with is when you first retire in your first year depending upon your circumstances with your partner in in this case jod and I as a married couple that relationship can struggle because we both had work we had our careers we had time at home but every all the Dynamics change when both of you now are home all day long and Frank of this business for us is really helpful because it gives us something to do together but we also do a lot of things on our own we do and and you know while the business is helpful it adds stress and boundaries become even more important I think so if you're starting a business in retirement which we should maybe do a series on that we are we definitely are because there is some Milestones that we uncovered well the other thing that people struggle with in the first year is getting used to setting goals like you said a lot of people say gosh you guys do all this planning and stuff but you need to if you don't set some goals for yourself because you were used to that during your career right you set work rated Milestones um you might find yourself without goals a little bit aimless and at least having personal goals on your physical or whatever it might be yeah I think the big difference with goals is now you have a chance to hold yourself accountable and your goals can be aimed at things that you're really interested in right and then if you're really interested in for example I've been trying to I've been practicing I don't know that I'll ever end the practice but you know different things in yoga and I set goals for for myself no one else is holding me accountable I mean you would have no idea no I but you come home and you tell me about the new stances like the the the one-legged chicken is that one of the things it is not one but we'll do a whole another yoga series I guess well I think again having goals is really important and you know just a a couple more things your emotional well-being it's easy to get in this first year and all of a sudden find yourself sad and down and cre uh you know that stuff will will creep into your life if you're not doing everything we said you know what's funny about this this emotional well-being one because I'm so sad all we actually had a little bit of a tussle this morning you think and sometimes I wonder if in retirement you have more time to think about things mhm and you know maybe you create a mountain out of a mole hill you think no no no what is this I didn't do that yes you did my finger never you're the one that built this huge mountain this morning out of a mole hill so you know I wonder if this is something to really focus on you know you know recognize emotions that you have and consider even you know seeking some counsel on it so now I need a therapist for our relationship this this whole first year of retirement can be very very difficult without a doubt definitely it's meant to be fun and exciting so we don't want to find ourselves in a rut and unsure what to do next yeah I mean trust us when it when we tell you if you get into some good rhythm in your first year the rest of your retirement can become all that you dreamed of like our retirement right that's so funny we hope you enjoyed this video and if you did this next one a happy retirement is in your control we talk about how to bring healthy habits into your life so that you can flourish in retirement so watch this one next
sex as you age this is a serious topic and it's also a sensitive one for sure it also lends to some difficult conversations with many couples not for us this is easy right that's why we're doing it [Music] well the fact that it is difficult we've wanted to talk about this for a while because we have so many clients that bring to us this issue of sex as they age we certainly couldn't do it alone so we're so excited to have nancy lucas with us today who is a therapist here in essex that specializes in relationship issues marital and pre-marital issues and sex therapy so what an exciting job that you have i guess at times yeah i would imagine it's exciting at times and just remember it's an important issue especially as retirement is getting longer and we're aging longer and hopefully healthier and we are not sex therapists especially mark is not a sex therapist nancy is and we're excited to explore this topic with her nancy's going to share three tips or strategies or suggestions on better sex and intimacy with your partner and you have to stay to the end because at the end nancy's gonna give us an exercise or an activity that we can do with our partner to open the conversation about sex and to embark on a journey of exploration together this is going to be great so make sure you stay till the end welcome nancy yeah thanks so much for being with us today thanks for having me um so yes i i do have a very um it's a privilege what i do and i and i do love my job and this is a sensitive and important topic and it's one that we really don't get to explore very often um i think that there's just not enough research being done about sex as we age and um we need more but we do have some facts i'd like to share with you guys that that's okay and that is that um being intimate with our partner and exploring ourselves sexually can last into our 90s which is which is great and that's kind of new information that we're just finding out um but for instance um 50 of people and we should be having more this should be a higher percentage 50 of people who are 65 to 70 are still reporting to be sexually active um and then once we hit age 71 to 75 40 and then by the time we get to age 76 to 80 25 but the good news is that 20 of people who are in their 90s are reporting to still be sexually active so um so that's something that's good news but i think we can all be doing better i was going to say i mean i think i think those numbers i wonder if our audience would say those numbers are where i thought they'd be or i thought they'd be better or some may say i thought they'd be worse but i think the point is we need to be doing more research because people are living longer and they're living healthier and sex is a really big part of healthy life and let me ask this question too because i remember seeing a fact as we started to do a little research on this and realized we couldn't do this without you but there's a a large percentage of men i think perhaps 40 of men are the are the ones that's that stop having sex with their partner and it's really their fault because they just i don't know is that true fault i don't think you should say fault well but they i don't know i just remember seeing something is there yes there is something so look we have the little blue pill now which is something that has really helped um helped couples stay active but it really is men often that can stop even though they want to be sexual it's men that often make the decision to stop being sexual as partners because of performance issues and so that's hopefully something that we can talk a little bit more about too at some point um but i like to deal with with some of my clients um you know it's really the the fact is that it's not about performance but there are all different kinds of sex that people can have um sex is something that brings us closer that is intimacy it doesn't have to always be about the erogenous zones it doesn't always have to be so goal oriented so that people are you know it's about you know having orgasm or having the kinds of sex that we think it should be there's all different kinds of sex and if it makes you feel close with your person and if it makes you feel intimate and you know let's face it if we're in our person we're in this relationship with them and we do things with them that we don't do with anyone else so and that's what separates friendships from our partnerships yeah and the first strategy that you that you want to talk about was communication and we talk so much on our youtube channel about communication and it really especially with spouse partner or significant relationships and the more amount of time that you're spending about together in this phase of life and how important communication really is and we have clients that don't have sex and they don't talk about it with their partner right so let's talk a little bit about communication what are some things people can do what are your thoughts on the idea of communication well of course i'm a shrink so communication is the most important thing that we talk about um but communicating with your partner about intimacy can be really hard and it becomes sort of this thing where you know it doesn't get talked about and then it continues to not get talked about and then it just sort of builds and builds and builds and because and becomes the elephant in the room so um so communication is of course extremely important and around like what feels good like what really does feel good for us now and that can change as we age our bodies change our erogenous zones can even change um all of that is something that we need to be talking to our partner about um also just being able to schedule that's another thing that i talk about well can i ask a question before you go on to the scheduling because that is important but communication so there's there's people watching this now and either husband a wife or a partner and they're watching it alone and they're really not sure what to do they're yeah i have a problem we're not having sex how do i bring it up with my partner what's the safest way to to start a conversation around the fact that you know instead if we hadn't had sex for five years what are you gonna do about it versus you know what's it what's an easy three-step process to start a conversation well of course the what we always start as therapists with is the i statements if you approach somebody with how you feel i feel disconnected i feel like we're not as close as we used to be i miss you i mean those things are not going to throw up someone's defenses right and that's what really gets in the way of talking about very delicate subjects like this like intimacy and that is that you know look we're vulnerable these are things that we have strong feelings about so when somebody comes to us we can you know throw our guard up and be defensive but when you start out with i and with the no with the feeling i miss you i you know i miss our closeness this is something that i'd like to try um i think that's a really good way to approach sounds so sweet it does sound like i'm missing it as opposed to the you like right who you yeah right well that's good so so having a good strategy path of communication to bring it up in a nice thoughtful caring way you know like you said would be great and respecting the fact that your partner may not have been raised for example to talk about sex and what feels good right everyone no matter how long you've been together or how old or mature your relationship is when you're brought up differently as a child i would assume that that comes forward you know so i i you know i know a lot of the women that i talk to it's it's they want to provide safety in the conversation because if they're the ones bringing it up they don't want their um heterosexual partner their male partner to feel you know immediately back on his heels right right so i love the i statements and this idea of creating some safe space and then the next thing that you that you um talk about and we talk about this is scheduling your intimate time what is that what is so so you add an opening conversation and then you say well next sunday afternoon you and i are gonna get together we're gonna maybe do the exercise so don't forget to stay till the end to learn about this exercise but actually scheduling and it feels weird at first to think about it but you schedule everything else so why not right well a lot of people when i bring this up with my clients you know right away have this reaction like what isn't it supposed to be so natural and we're supposed to be you know preparing dinner and all of a sudden we look into each other's eyes and then we throw ourselves down on the floor and it becomes this passionate thing and i'm sorry that's not the reality i live in and probably not the reality that you live in either we're all very very busy and unfortunately um the idea of scheduling is look if you schedule it it happens right you guys know this so i do recommend that you schedule sex for a couple of reasons um or intimate time and that is that first of all you it'll happen and that's the most important thing is that it takes place and that it happens second of all you have some time to prepare either to look forward to it or make sure that you're in a good mental place to really be you know intimate and vulnerable and together with your person so those are the reasons why that scheduling really really works you know it's funny too um and not to get too personal but you know i'm not a big fan of the whole go out and eat this massively wonderful great dinner and have a drink and a bottle of wine and and then come home and you know how i feel not so sexy i'm ready to go to sleep and mark's exhausted so i think you're right because as younger people and and maybe younger is not the right word but you know earlier in our lives um you know that was kind of the you know you had your date you had your date night you had a nice dinner you had a cute margarita maybe a glass of wine and then you were both kind of you know metabolizing food a lot quicker by the way and you know feeling a little bit better and i love this idea of scheduling it because if you don't feel right and the time is you know upon you it's always a bit of a push and so i love the idea of scheduling it and communicating when you feel better well yeah and the other thing is i remember this fact i looked up before nancy i brought it up in the beginning but i had it wrong i believe what i read was and this is for the men out there you know you're not going to bring up sex in a conversation you're not going to schedule it if you have performance issues and if you do have performance issues you need to go see your doctor because like you said in the beginning the little blue pill there are pills that you can take to help you with that but i think 40 of men have erectile dysfunction and only 10 of them get help so the other 30 are just not having sex for that reason which is really not fair to you or your partner no or your relationship as a whole yeah yeah because look um intimacy in that way like i said earlier that's what separates your relationship from all your friendships so it can be the glue that really keeps you together right and i think that brings you really to your third point because sex doesn't always have to be perhaps what everyone traditionally is visualizing in their head or thinking about what sex might be and your third point you know being open to different types of sex or intimacy i think is a really big one to explore um yes so again the more narrow we make sex um the more narrow and vanilla and kind of boring it's going to be if it's something that feels good and brings you close to your partner then i say that that's sex let's call that sex it's um there's all kinds of intimacy there's and look i can go on about other types of sex there's there's makeup sex right there's sex that's more holding and more intimate and then there's you know more passionate passionate sex but anything that brings you close to your partner i say you know we shouldn't be narrowly merely defining it so much that it's really there's all different kinds and if it involves touching and intimacy and something that makes you feel good and close sometimes just holding each other in that way when you're both naked that i think can be defined as sex so if it brings you close it doesn't have to be what we traditionally think of sex as being it's funny because um you know as a mom you know when you have a baby the first thing that a lot of doctors do is hand you your naked baby for that skin-to-skin sensation yes that is so enriching and fortifying and you know um just such a game changer for this little person who just came in the world and it's funny that we don't think about that longer and harder as we move through our life how important that skin-to-skin contact really is for our sense of being absolutely you know as moms you know we of course want to we think of that with our children we're you know usually wanting to hug them or hold them and like you said that starts it in infancy but we don't really think about that as much with our partners right no it's just as important that's foundational to us as humans so well we've we've talked about communication how important it is to start a conversation and the second thing was scheduling scheduling it so you've had a conversation you scheduled it you're now thinking uh different types of sex maybe you're not really sure what that really means but even just hugging like you said is good but that might be a good segue into the bonus activity that you want to talk about for those listeners as a place to start where it's so why don't you go through that because that was pretty intriguing when you talk to us about it yes so i'm going to talk about the gold standard and this actually was um these exercises came about as a result of the research that masters and johnson did long ago so and that is sensei exercises so that is really getting to know our person what kind of touch they like what kind of touch we enjoy and so this is the exercise so you can do this either semi-clad you know with some clothes on or no clothes at all naked but basically the exercises that you get in a quiet place you're ready you feel like you've you know you schedule it again you're in that mindset you go to a quiet place where you can be alone and you take turns 15 minutes each um just touching each other no erogenous zones none of those usual places that we think about when we think about sex everything but and the other thing is after you're done with the exercise you cannot have sex oh he didn't tell us that [Music] no the whole point is that to really get back into the fact that sex it doesn't have to be goal oriented it's not always about orgasm it's about closeness and about feeling good so for 15 minutes you take turns one person is the toucher and the other person is receiving the touch and the toucher just focuses on what it's like the skin of your partner what does that skin feel like what does it feel like on their hair what does it feel like you know in the inside of their elbow or the back of their knees how is this the skin different and all you do is focus on how that feels on the tips of your fingers the person who's being touched just enjoys and can tell communicate can use some of the communication with their partner oh i'd like you maybe to use your your flat hand or maybe just your fingertips maybe your fingernails maybe a massage maybe i mean there's all sorts of types of touch just like you know how the eskimos have like i forgot like you know 100 different words for snow um we should have 100 different words for touch and how we how we experience each other i love that i think that's a great i think that's it i think this has been marvelous as a you know is our first video on sex as you age right yeah i think the the whole it's it sounds safe and it's starting with the communication and then scheduling it and and then doing this exercise really is a safe way to get it's almost like when you were your first date my first day took me forever to well to get where i had to go where are we going with this yeah but i mean when you're when you're first a young you know teenager it's a teenager well 19 20.
yikes let's talk about this in the car ride home anyway i i thought this was great i don't know if if you have any closing thoughts i mean this is this was fantastic well i i you know what i love most about what we talked about today is that you know sex is doesn't always just have to be that act that you see or that is you know in the news or you know in video or on paper it's it's really about the intimacy and the close the closeness and um the love that you want to share and express and i i think that's really what sex as you age can become and it can actually it feels like it can become bigger and better yeah yeah i love you you know you're no longer maybe having sex to procreate right so it you know you don't have the goal there that that pressure that was there i mean we don't have that anymore um you know we have a lot more time on our hands and we're alone a lot more often which would lend itself to you know more exercises like we just talked about you know for me as i as i think think of some of the clients that we have and some of the people that we've talked to it's it's sad that while they used to have sex because they have children and they they talked about how they used to have sex and they're not now because they're not even talking about it it really is a shame and it doesn't have to be that way and i think that's the point that maybe we're trying to get across as you age you can have sex and intimacy and intimacy so this was fantastic um nancy i don't know if you have any closing comments or thoughts suggestions just to remember that it's a cornerstone of your relationship and it doesn't have to diminish as we age right so and we need more research and we'll we'll put some of nancy's information in the next in the notes below and you're open to hearing from people that might uh want to hire you i have some some availability okay all right all right they're gonna have to get in line behind me so we will leave all of these uh information and notes but we hope you guys enjoyed this we we really did we learned a lot and we want you to share it with your friends and also subscribe by clicking the subscribe button uh down below and finally join our free facebook community the link is also in the notes below thanks for listening and being here today and we look forward to being back with you again soon and thanks again nancy this was great thank you so much for having meRead More
while we all may have a vision of what retirement looks like to us there are many obstacles to get that get in the way and maybe you're one of those people who are actually afraid to retire and maybe you're afraid to retire because you don't know what you're going to do all day you know just like any time in your life emotions come to play and your emotions are real but if you've got emotions that are holding you back and poor planning or bad luck that can get you off track entering your retirement so today in this video we're going to talk to you about eight guiding principles to a retirement transformed [Music] we're going to give you the eight principles to ensure that you stay on the right track you know when we began our retirement um a couple years ago we had actually prior to that we had this great vision of what we wanted retirement to be and it included traveling the globe spending time with our parents being surrounded by our kids and our grandkids and that plan was great it was great until it wasn't and that may be the same vision that you have we found that there's so much more so much more to do so much more living to get accomplished and the best years are really ahead and if you hang your retirement on this vision of three or four things travel entertainment a golf three days a week hanging out with your parents and your kids when any of that gets off track like it did for us we both lost all of our parents in two years time right and now they're not part of our retirement right and let's be honest all of us who have kids your kids are busy they're doing what they're supposed to do they're launched into their lives with either their kids or their friends or their communities and that's how it should be we started this business because we found it so easy to get off a track and we found ourself floundering so what we did we put together these eight guiding principles and the first one is about financial planning which we don't do we don't do any financial planning but you've got to get a sound solid financial plan in place otherwise you're going to lament over it forever you've really got to get that house in order and there's a there's a bunch of things you can do to make that happen yeah you definitely should hire someone that's going to give you an objective view of where you sit financially so you can get past any financial insecurities that you may have and understand what type of lifestyle you can afford yeah you can't imagine owning 100 yacht when you can't afford it so you've got to have your vision your goals and your desires line up with how much money you're able to take out every single year because we don't want you spending every day every month every year worrying about your finances worrying about how you can live so you have to get that lined up in the beginning so you know what you can do so principle number one get your financial house in order right principle number two is focus on your health don't overlook this as we age we are more susceptible to disease and sickness and we have so many stories from so many clients that had great retirement visions and then they got sick some of it they couldn't prevent it and you know the other thing is some people but some of it they could prevent they they can but some people enter retirement with no plan no vision nothing and it kills them right it happened to my dad it happens to dozens of people every day with 10 000 people turning 65 every day and entering retirement you really got to have a solid plan on what you want to do and your health is so key so for men go see your doctor doctors get a baseline find out what's great about your health and find out where you need some help and for women you know get your annual checkups make sure you don't discard those maybe like you did during your career skip a year on this or that now is the time for self-care and self-love and including in that is exercise 20 minutes a day at a minimum move your body i think i don't think if you follow us on social media and instagram and all of that you know about our morning routines that includes exercise so it's really important to make sure that's part of what you do and i would just add pay attention to your body how you feel how you look how you're showing up how different foods make you feel how you sleep after eating different foods nutrition is the key to success for your internal body you know we've been paying attention to that for a couple years now we both know exactly how we're going to sleep if we eat this food or drink this certain amount of wine we know what's going to happen so we eat healthier and we drink less because we sleep better and we feel better right you know the third principle which is so critical is your spouse partner relationship it's a fear that holds people back from retiring right because they don't want to end up being home 40 plus hours more of free time with their spouse that's true and you know divorce rates are down in america but gray divorce has a serious upward trend and that's because you're spending more than 40 hours together now you used to spend that time apart and retirement is a shock to the best of a relationship yeah so if you're if you're spending just nights and weekends together and all of a sudden now it's 40 hours it is a shock to the relationship and you know it's important to have communication skills to get through this we did a great um youtube video on responding versus reacting and it's something that you and i continue to work on every single day and we'll leave that leave it in the notes below but being able to talk to your spouse or partner in a relaxed setting honestly without judgment is hard but you've got to find a way to do it and you know in our online course we spend a few sessions on just that and i think it's that important it is it is so principle number four and we talked a little bit about it earlier and if you watch any of our videos you know we're proponents of this establish a routine and it may be the last thing you want to hear as you enter retirement but it works you know if you don't have a routine or you want to take some time off because you spent 38 years getting up at six o'clock to go to work and now you don't that's fine take we listen we're big proponents of taking a gap year don't have a routine for a while but pay attention because without a routine what can happen is you start to float from minute to minute day to day week to week month to month and you don't need a routine all day every day but you do need to anchor a few things down and get some basics under your belt it can help you every day schedule some hobbies and sports and your wellness and your self-care and date night yeah and when is our date night our next one i don't know we're filming video like crazy people i don't think we have any time for date night well we should make time yeah and i love a morning routine and jody loves the morning we've tried a lot of other things but we start our day pretty religiously and there's either a youtube video we've already done and we're going to do on morning routine so make sure you subscribe to our channel and share it with others and if you're getting value out of this please do that because we want to help as many people as we can have the best retirement ever so the fifth principle is wisdom sharing and i say that and when we talk to clients about it it's it's misunderstood at different points you know each of us had a 30 plus year career with fulfillment and engaging and relationships and helping leading mentoring others but finding a way to to to move from your career where you have all this experience all of these stories uh these values everything that you've learned to take that and move it into an area where you can serve others going forward is so important you know when my dad retired at 65 he was the most engaging inspiring happy friendly great guy ever that would be a wonderful coach or mentor for people but he took all that experience and he wrapped it up and he put it in a box and he tied it up with a bow and he put it on the shelf in the garage and then he slid into retirement and it it killed him frankly it killed him because he didn't have this engagement right where he could help others he really lost his way and you know your experience your skills your talents your stories are all meaningful to help others as they're developing their pathway and if you think about it wisdom sharing through volunteering is a great way to get started yeah sharing your time and your talent and your resources around um something that interests you a disease a cause something that aligns with your core values even if you just just give a few hours a week it's it's helpful in a couple of different areas so principle number six have a master plan and a master vision without this it's easy to spend every day wondering what's next and feeling unfulfilled with no real purpose and you're always wondering what to do you know it's funny i remember we were just flying last week and we ran into that guy who was waiting for his baggage and he just started to talk about the fact i don't know how it came up about his retirement and how he failed at retirement the first time he's probably 68 years old he left his career he had no plan lasted about six months and he went back to work because he didn't have a master plan he didn't know what he was going to do and we don't want that for you but i think the success in that story is he did go back to work and he took the time to then develop his master plan and vision for his next and final retirement which he's thoroughly enjoying and you're spending a lot of time on his vision with his family and if you're struggling right now you know you want to start to write a little bit we talk about journaling all the time what's missing from your retirement and what's holding you back from retiring where do you see yourself living and how do the five pillars fit in you know our our whole course and our whole um business business is around the five pillars physical wellness mental wellness relationships spouse partner relationship and wisdom sharing with a wrap-up of communities around it so principle number seven there's going to be a transition that takes place there's going to be a transition when you leave your career and you enter this new phase it can be hard you know it's hard for everybody so you're not alone from career into retirement there are challenges around you know identity losing your work friends and your work family those 40 free hours that you've now gotten back they're a blessing but what are you going to do with it you know we reference this great book and we'll leave the notes down below again the way of transition by william bridges and it's the three stages of transition one is letting go so you need to let go of your old identity then you end up in a neutral zone where you're not really it's really you used to be and you haven't figured out who the new you is right and you can stay there for a little while i was there for five years after let me tell you after i read this book i realized i was in a neutral zone for five years i couldn't let go of my old identity i wasn't really sure what i wanted to do right and i was still and it's messy it was awful there's regret remorse and all of that so the transition is tough so you need to realize it's going to happen and you need to embrace it so just so that you're clear it's letting go the neutral zone which is chaos and then the new you and that's the part that you can really that's when you do that then you come out full steam ahead and it's great principle number eight we kind of stole from my mom she was a big fan of saying you know pick your heart and what she always meant by that was you know it's hard to diet but it's hard to carry around 20 extra pounds it's hard to retire but it's hard to work when you're not feeling fulfilled right right it's hard to go to the gym and it's hard to be in you know where you're just laying around so i can't remember the example she gave you at the time but in retirement it's different and some things are better and some things are worse but you've got to pick your heart you know it's hard for us to work on our relationship and to communicate better and better and to give each other advice and to give each other space but it's a lot harder for us not to talk and to be mad at each other and to pass in the hallway and just not say anything so you've got to figure out what's what's most important to you and i think you get it right it's hard to grow and it's hard to live in a fixed mindset which is another youtube video that we had done love your mom for that pick your heart yep now look these eight principles go hand in hand with our five pillars so keep this in mind as you live this phase and pick your heart you know you're gonna have a plan or not have a plan if you enjoyed this please share with your friends and also subscribe by clicking the button below and finally join our free facebook community jody and i go live in there every tuesday we take your questions we have a lot of fun the link is in the notes below thank you guys for listening and we look forward to seeing you again soon you
you know after slugging it out for over 30 years in Corporate America I was exhausted when retirement arrived I really needed a break and I needed a break too so we spent the first few months in retirement really doing nothing nothing meaningful right well hanging around kind of lazy mornings turning into lazy days into lazy weeks and maybe even lazy months but we knew something had to change or we were doomed we wanted our dreams of a fulfilling retirement to become a reality so we had to make some changes so today we're going to share with you some strategies that you can try so that you're full of energy every single day and take on anything that comes your way but before we go further we'd like to introduce ourselves my name is Mark Rollins and I'm Jody Rollins and we started retirement transform not only for us but for all of you and the other 10 000 people turning 65 every day now we don't focus on anything Financial none of the aspects financially or retirement but we focus on lifestyle Health relationships and more and listen if you're new here please hit the Subscribe button and also the notification button so you'll get notified when our videos come out so let's jump into all the things that tend to make you and me tired especially in retirement okay the first thing that gets you tired too much downtime and that might just be for instance watching too much TV and I don't know if you know this or not but the average number of hours people over the age of 65 watch TV each week is 38 hours a week that's like Couch Potato syndrome it is and you have to be careful with that because it does make you tired nothing wrong with watching a Netflix series or some TV but you can't do it six or eight hours a day yeah lack of movement will really keep your body and your mind tired you have to find ways to move your body even 20 minutes a day just getting out walk 10 minutes One Direction and 10 minutes back and you will feel very different what happens if you walk seven minutes one way and four minutes back and then you have to do 10 jumping jacks oh and then all right because you're going to be late yeah but there's a scientific study multiple scientific studies that say moving 20 minutes a day can extend your life by five years who wouldn't want that exactly exactly so the first one is too much downtime the second one is poor nutrition and we know you've heard this before but please just make believe you're hearing it for the first time poor food choices fast food sweets and too much eating out or even eating late is bad for you being mindful of what your comfort food is and how much you go to it is also something to be aware of yeah I think that you know for us we're getting a lot better with nutrition and really because we're starting to really pay attention to what our ordering tells us about sleep and how we feel but also just our body when we put certain foods in our body we really pay attention to how we feel and having wine or drinks and a late dinner at night we both know we're going to have an awful night's sleep but you didn't bite on comfort food comfort food I you know I need to stay away from comfort food fried chicken Oreo cookies chocolate chip cookies that's the stuff that my mother always made for me and it was Comfort I I need to stay away from that yeah and I know I know it's hard to in retirement to stay away from wine and drinks maybe that's me but um you just be mindful of it and to give your yourself and your body a break from it is really a good feeling yeah and all of what we just talked about leads into the third uh item to make you tired which is getting poor sleep and honestly we need to do an entire video on sleep because I just looked and we really haven't spent enough time on this and the importance of getting a good night's sleep most people need seven to eight hours of good sleep in order to feel good and have high energy absolutely and you know the eating late too much alcohol just doesn't help that you a good portion of our lives in Corporate America and you as an entrepreneur entertaining clients and living that way eating late entertaining clients some wine with dinner and we knew it wasn't sustainable so what makes us think in retirement that that would be sustainable well it's funny because our last five years of work really we were probably working harder than ever before we were entertaining harder than ever before that was our normal and when we got to retirement that normal didn't work for us it really didn't so you just have to be able and to think about making some life changes and it's not easy but it's doable so we have sleep as the third one good sleep quality sleep not just time in bed right the fourth one is really lack of routines during your career you had your routines wired I know you did you had a morning routine during your career and then you were off to work and your day was planned a lot of time your schedule was filled before you even got into the office but many people enter retirement and the last thing they want to do is have a routine I know and you know we hear that a lot but we also hear from our clients when they start with a routine even a basic routine going to bed at the same time getting up at the same time and it doesn't have to be 5 a.m like me I mean you don't get up at five minutes you've got your own routine I don't sleep I do but you have a routine once they start plugging in a routine getting up at the same time every day plugging in a little bit of uh walking for 20 minutes and exercise maybe on top of that doing some meditation with a app like headspace mindfulness that really starts to kick in their energy level and makes them feel better in their retirement phase and you know I really resisted this idea of setting a regular time to go to sleep and a time to wake up in retirement and I don't know if you remember I pushed back pretty hard on Mark started at like 10 o'clock we're gonna you know go to bed at 10 o'clock or you know he wants to be in bed at 10 o'clock which really many wanted to be asleep at 10 o'clock which meant bed 9 30.
Yeah but you also weren't going to let me go to bed alone that's just a me thing right so you so you dragged along with it I did you laid there with your eyes open for an hour in the beginning well I would read or something but but oddly enough our clock kept kind of going backwards the other thing I'd say about routines is I got a call this week from one of our 25 year olds we have two 25 year old twins Jordan that lives in New York City and she said you know something mom starting Monday getting back to my routine and I found that so interesting that the self-care part of routine and sleep and waking and all of that is being ingrained in the younger generation which is great it is great so another reason that you might be tired you could have some underlying health issues that you don't know about it's so important to go to your doctor at least once a year and have things checked out because as we age things in our body change and it could be that there's something going on that's keeping you awake at night that's making you feel tired during the day so going to see your doctors on a regular basis is so important yeah there I mean there could definitely be some issues going on that need to be addressed and you know we have friends that actually have said to us we never go to the doctor because we don't want to look for trouble and I'm just not sure that that's a great way to live through this phase of your life yeah and you know in retirement if you're not exercising and you're eating and drinking more than you used to you're going to gain weight a lot of people gain weight in retirement now all of a sudden you pick up an extra 10 15 20 pounds and it's slowly so you don't notice it but that leads to diabetes so you want to get your heart checked you want to get your body checked you want to go see your doctor I recently went to the doctor and found out that I had plaque buildup on some of my arteries that's it yeah it's a scare I suppose but it also has helped get me focused on doing the right thing eating better exercise and getting good sleep yep because that you're on could be out of balance again this goes back to checking with your doctor you know if you're not sleeping and you're gaining weight and you're having trouble going to the bathroom or you're going too much you know find out why it's just not something to sweep under the rug yeah you know if you're getting up four times a night to go to the bathroom it could be as simple as you shouldn't drink water two hours before you go to bed or it could be something else or it could be a medication that you shouldn't take in the afternoon you should take in the morning or yes the important thing we're trying to get across here is see your doctor check your meds you know I was pre-diabetic seven years ago and I changed that with diet and exercise so you can actually be proactive and make some changes as well don't have your doctor just say here's some meds talk to them more about what some of the things you can do to change your lifestyle to become healthier so we hit the doctor we hit the meds let's go to the seventh thing that we came up with you know dehydration dehydration for sure will make you tired that's a no-brainer it leads to all sorts of problems poor sleep heart rate issues blood pressure problems brain damage even death you had an episode a couple of summers ago with dehydration I did I was working in the yard I was working really hard I was sweaty and I wasn't drinking water did all that work it was a hot humid day showered we got dressed to go to dinner we walked down the street to have dinner you know I don't know 500 feet and right in the beginning of the dinner basically long story short I just went down and I fainted and I had to be taken to the hospital and that was preventable it's not hard to effects you need to drink one half your body weight in ounces of water that's a minimum I weigh 160 pounds that's 80 ounces of water a day that's seven to twelve glasses of water a day it's not that hard right right it really isn't it really is and it's so so important to do that so listen it's okay to have lazy days it's okay to splurge with food and wine you know it's okay to binge watch TV but not every day not for your optimal retirement it just isn't sustainable and there's nothing worse than feeling tired all day long and you know people that say that right they get up and they say oh tired midday they're like oh my God I'm so tired yeah don't you get tired of hearing people say how tired they are yeah and maybe some people just say it but you don't have to it doesn't have to be like that right you want to try a day or even a week implementing what we shared today and see if there's any changes that play take place see how you feel you actually might like it you might find a new normal and it becomes a habit now we hoped you like these strategies and changes that we talked about today check out our next video extend your life in retirement by avoiding these four bad habits these are definite changes you need to make so watch this video to go deeper on extending your life and being healthierRead More
so what we created for you is a three-part series that we're about to release today is five to ten years prior to retirement and in the future you'll see the one to five years and then that 12 month out when it's go time today is all about the transition into retirement you know when you think of the word retirement sometimes you think of things like getting old being useless or sitting on a beach drinking pina colada that sounds a little up day long sometimes you think about golf three days a week or treating every day like a saturday but the reality is it's a very hard transition going through this transition with some planning effort habits and routines that serve you will definitely yield amazing results and the opposite if you leave it to chance and just show up it can be disastrous you could find yourself feeling rudderless with really no idea what to do every day so what we created for you is a three-part series that we're about to release today is five to ten years prior to retirement and in the future you'll see the one to five years and then that 12 month out when it's go time you know we're going to give you four key strategies that you can use right now to ensure success again i know you're 10 or 5 years out but it's really important so we're going to give you those strategies and then at the end of this video we're going to give you five action steps that you must implement right now now you know mark and i have learned a lot over the past 13 years and we've had our fair share of failures successes we have a list of things we would do differently and a very long list of things we've learned and you know we want to better prepare you for this amazing transformation so why don't we begin with the first strategy and the first one you'll be familiar with it's planning don't roll your eyes yeah you know people say why would i have to plan for my retirement well here's the thing you've had a long career i'm sure my career was 38 years i planned every day every week every month every quarter every year every five years so we're all used to planning and the correlation is this phase can last 30 years so why would you not plan a good place to start would be to get a journal and we're going to talk more about journaling in the next episode the next series one to five years out because it's important so the second key strategy would be understanding the risks and how to deal with them so you might say to yourself what risks are there in retirement and i'll tell you we've done research on the big three the first is loss of identity you no longer have your ceo card or your president card or your head of sales card or your office or your email or your team yeah or your branding you know you walk into a room and there's jody she's svp of chubb blah blah blah that goes away so you do lose your identity the second of the big three of risks is your loss of community all of your friends and your clients and your situational friendships your restaurants you went to the maitre d's you knew the hotels you frequented at events you know you lose that community and that's a big deficit right and the third one the third risk of entering retirement or when you enter retirement is you're going to get 40 or more new free hours that come your way which feels liberating it does feel liberating but you have to figure out what to do with them we have a great video youtube we did on time affluence in retirement so we can put that link down below as well but the third strategy after starting to get familiar with the risks is starting to think about a vision for this phase and if you've been following us for a while you know we talk a lot about five pillars physical wellness mental wellness relationships spouse partner relationships and wisdom sharing and the sixth one that we've been really batting around which isn't in our vernacular right now but it's really the community and how to build a community for yourself during this space because you don't want to do this alone so five to ten years out we want you to think about the pillars we want you to think about where you are with each of the pillars where are you with your physical health your mental wellness you know where are you with your relationships and so on now's the time to start the thought process and spend the next five or ten years thinking about them making them part of who you are the fourth strategy is to start thinking about habits and routines and really drill down on what is serving you well what are you needing to quit what are some new habits that you might want to pull into your retirement and into this next phase of life and your favorite morning routine you know my morning routine our morning routine during our career get up have a cup of coffee watch a little news do as many emails as we could before we could get to work catch up on all of that i was going to say there was making lunches and finding soccer outfits but then jumping in the car and going to work right you know your first day at home that first monday when you're sitting there you don't have that you're might be empty nesters like we were so you look across from each other so you want to start thinking about your morning routine now and maybe start to change it and you also want to kind of take stock of the habits and routines that you have now and how are they going to translate into retirement and i'll give you an example a habit i had when i was going out to dinner entertaining clients was well first you sit down and you order a bottle of wine if i did that habit every time i went out to dinner during retirement i'd be drinking an awful lot of wine is that a habit that i want to pull into the next 30 years or save it for special well we should pull that in for the first six months that falls under the failure another category yeah it was a failure but anyway so if you implement work on these four strategies for the next you know five years you're going to start to get some clarity on retirement what should i worry about what am i excited about what's it going to look like and you're going to have comfort in knowing more about what's out there than maybe you do now you'll also get a higher sense of what success is going to look like for you that's a big one individually for the next 30 years and you know the really big one is it will help you hone and drill down on what will your purpose be yeah and your passion purpose and passion we hear those words used all the time yeah and right now during your career if you're still in it you've got purpose and you might have passion around your job but passion in retirement where's that going to live for you and then the other thing that comes out of doing all of this work is being in control of your life you don't want to just let everything happen between now and the day you walk out the door without being proactive with everything that you do and you know it takes courage to be in control of your life it takes courage to be in control of your own calendar and your own day and you have 30 years to work that out so listen if you're getting value out of this please share give it a thumbs up and copy the link below and share it with your friends so let's do the five action steps five action steps that you should do now the first thing meet and hire a financial planner you know we can't emphasize this enough and even if you're a smart financial person and you manage your stocks and all of that it's so good to have an outside independent third party help look at your benefits your pension your 401k um and that's not us it's not us no no we don't do anything in this area we have a financial planner and it just allows us to know that that is clear and it also you get to know do you have enough money to retire that's always important what's your date right what date do you have in mind yeah because you never think you have enough money right but the financial plan will help you if you're going to live this way you have plenty of money the second action step if you're married or you have a partner i cannot stress enough communication what is your combined vision you can't wait till the day after you walk out of your office to start to convey what that is to your partner or spouse and i'll yeah i'll tell you this is an area where many couples fail big time they both had jobs they both were great all they spent their weekends together and nights but all of a sudden now they're together all day long and the wife has one vision and the husband has another and it's and actually on any one of the pillars yeah they could have different visions on physical wellness or relationships or you know anything that has to do with retirement so the key is start talking about it now right you don't want to wait until you're home the first day after retirement to start figuring out what your vision's going to be now the third one is to think about how you're going to show up in the five pillars we mentioned so what do i mean by showing up how are you going to enter retirement physically right mentally with your relationships intact or not you know how are you going to show up with your spouse partner you have to make a concerted effort to show up in the right way and the fourth step call some of your retired friends see what they're just actually fun it is fun i remember going down to florida to play golf with my buddies and the older guys from our club were there and what's it like what do you do and well every day is like a saturday but you know i could see they really weren't that healthy not all of them were were doing what what i thought made sense but i just figured that's what happens and ask him some tough questions yeah what do you love about it what are your lows like what are your highs like you know have you built a community of like-minded people and if you have how did you do it how did you figure out where to live all of those things but they're a great resource for you and the fifth step start having a discussion about downsizing or we could call it right sizing this is another area where families run into trouble so just start imagining what life could be if you've got the big five family house with a five bedroom house for all the kids full bathrooms and all that you know as they start to leave the nest which you want them to do do you really need a house that big and maybe you do but the idea here is to decide do you want to continue to have that large house and if the decision is yes then that's good right but not knowing is bad right one of the things we did as we traveled around we uh that's why how we ended up in in connecticut we came here for summers on our boat and we loved it and so we decided to build a house yeah but we did a lot of searching we did a lot of googling we did a lot of reading we did a lot of house tours we looked at a lot of different communities and you will find the one that's right for you but i would start early again the day after you leave your corporate career or your business is not the time to so those are five steps that we hope you do right now we're going to give you three books to read speaking of learning that are critical we think to read at any time prior than retiring to retiring one is second mountain by david brooks the second is the way of transition by william bridges and one of my favorites is the five love languages by gary chapman it's just a great communication book and we'll put those links down below great reads you know today we've shared some ideas and some strategies and some steps to help you begin this journey but again i can't emphasize enough don't wait even if you're 10 years out start thinking now and here's advice from me who's really bad at challenging conversations don't put them off sit down find a way to have an open dialogue and just you know be kind to each other and listen to each other because everyone has an opinion and also don't forget to watch the other two parts that will be behind this and with some effort and some planning and some real action you can enter this phase with a whole successful strategy laid out if you enjoyed this please share with your friends and subscribe by clicking the subscribe button below and don't forget to join our free facebook community the link is in the notes below as well thanks for listening and we look forward to being with you again
we always knew that smoking and drinking too much and poor eating can shorten your life but what we didn't know is there's four more bad habits that can have as great an impact on your life if not more and there were actually more than four we condensed it for this well these are the top four that we came up with that we thought were worth sharing that when we found out about them realize we really need to pay attention you know when we began our retirement journey a few years ago we did what many people do we relaxed we took it easy we drank too much and we ate way too much of all of the wrong food and we also traveled the globe you know we entertained family and friends that part was fun it was fun but we realized after 12 months of doing this that things had to change we were living on a slippery slope and we were sliding downhill we were especially you yeah i was so we decided to make some change and we now have healthier habits for things like nutrition physical wellness mental wellness and many more so our goal today is to reveal some new bad habits that you may not think about too much that's hard to say too new bad habits it sounds like you want new bad habits well no we don't we want to eliminate these for sure so let's jump in and at least disclose them to you so you can reflect and see if they're in your life because you need to know they will shorten your life now that habit number one not getting enough sleep or poor quality sleep you know a day doesn't go by that you and i don't run into someone who tells us they don't get enough sleep and this is an area that you and i started working on really hard about a year and a half ago and it's funny because when we first started working on it our friends our children a lot of our family even i made fun of you for wanting to really focus on sleep you did but here's what can happen to you if you don't you will get sick more often your heart actually suffers coronary heart disease and stroke becomes more of a risk you increase your certain types of risk of cancer and it hurts your cognitive abilities we all do that you don't get enough sleep and you say i don't remember this it's hard for me to make decisions and it's really hard to be a problem solver and the you know the other things that are tied into poor sleep or not enough sleep is weight gain and as you get older like i am you're not getting older i'm getting older i'm going the other way you are it increases your chance of diabetes you know according to research most people need between seven and eight hours of sleep now everyone's different and there's those people that say oh i can only i only need four hours and i'm still great well that's wonderful imagine how great they'd be if they did seven hours and while everyone is different it's also different at different stages of your life right i remember having very small children and working a ton and if i could get five hours of sleep it was like bonus right so now you have to really focus on it at this phase of life so don't forget about that poor sleep or not enough sleep bad habit number two is not getting enough social interaction you know mark and i talk about this a lot humans are social animals we thrive on this and without it we suffer when we were younger we had many places for social interaction we did we certainly for one we had our careers you know you had all your work family eight hours a day you're with these people all day long and also just our social friends playing golf and you know all the people that we hung out with but as we age and we spend more time alone alone with each other but wait that didn't sound right with each other um as we spend more time alone you can find yourself in trouble and it's the fact that 28 of older adults live alone now and you know much like poor sleep here is what the lack of social interaction can do to you it can actually increase your blood pressure it can affect heart disease obesity and anxiety and on top of that it can give you depression cognitive decline again just like sleep a weakened immune system and also an increase in alzheimer's disease and even death so what you have to do is understand where your bad habits are coming from the first one we talked about was poor sleep the second one is low or lack of social interaction and if you have both think about it you double down on a lot of these diseases as you age you know i love this quote by stephen cole that says loneliness acts as a fertilizer for other diseases so if you're finding yourself lonely or you have friends who are lonely you really can reach out and help now jody and i hope you're finding this helpful and if you do please hit the like button and subscribe button so that you can share it with your friends we really would appreciate that but bad habit number three and this is a new one for us that we're starting to really pay attention to it's actually a new one for you yes not a new one for me okay a new one for us i like to do things as a team there's no word i letter i in a word team you're from a foreign country okay um bad habit number three eating too much red meat now we've heard this before but our research revealed more than we actually knew you know the national cancer institute in maryland did a study and they actually linked red meat to eight diseases cancer type two diabetes stroke infections and it also increases diseases of the kidney the heart the respiratory tract and the liver and the study went on to say lasted for 16 years but the people that consume the most red meat during that 16 years they had a 26 higher rate of death from one of the diseases we mentioned just above now you know it's important to see a nutritionist at this phase of life we think so and we did that and it worked wonders and it's not easy to eliminate things that are comfort food things that you loved things that you grew up eating or things that you just kind of crave but you know we limit our red meat in fact i pretty much don't eat it at all and eat more fish and legumes and leafy greens chicken eat a lot a lot of chicken and chicken eat a lot of chicken so if you think about it poor sleep low social interaction and eating a lot of red meat the trifecta can kill you it can so we need to take this seriously we really do so bad habit number four is worrying or having a negative outlook on life you know many of us do worry from time and time again and we're working really hard on not behaving that way and you know maybe you're a chronic warrior and you always have been and you kind of luff it off by saying i accept that as who i am but we want you to try really hard to change that and by changing it change your vernacular around it maybe don't use the word worry maybe don't use the word stress right maybe use the word i need to learn or i want to grow or i'm thinking about thinking about it yeah we we challenge each other every day not to use the word worry you know chronic worry and emotional stress they trigger a host of health problems so if you're a worrier or emotionally stressed it leads to overeating smoking excessive drinking and sometimes drugs and you know chronic worrying really triggers that fight or flight response and that trigger right there releases stress hormones especially cortisol yeah and if your body is releasing a lot of cortisol then that can boost your sugar levels so all of that can cause a fast heartbeat fatigue headaches and sometimes irritability yeah right it can also produce nausea responses rapid breathing muscle tension and definitely a shortness of breath i think you guys know what it feels like to be a worrier and what we're telling you is to work on a way not to do it because frankly 99 of the things you worry about don't even happen you know we do work hard at this and we do try not to use that word and i hate to bring this part up because i know we bring it up a lot but we also work hard and challenge you to work hard on your mindfulness yeah it's those two things we try to eliminate the word and we both meditate on a regular basis to help calm your thinking and give you room so anyway it's not all doom and gloom you know now that you're aware of these four bad habits you know make some changes write it down journal about it but don't do it just for you do it for your family and think about what we said today poor sleep too much red meat low social interaction and too much worry in your life those are four things that you can actually work on put the work in so you can change we hope you enjoyed this please share with your friends and please subscribe by clicking the subscribe button so you always get our latest episodes and finally join our facebook community the link is in the notes below thanks and we look forward to seeing you again